We Try, We Fall, then We Stand Up Again and Face the World.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 @ 6:35 PM
hello dead and disgusting blog.so its been a while, again.
the highlight for my past week would be.... FATHERS DAY :)
so danielle and i went to bake a cake. got the cake mix from woolies and did two cakes hehehe ^^
so exciting.
right, so my dad was pretty happy after that day. like whenever hes almost on the verge of getting angry, i just talk about the cake i got him, LOL. like magic ahaha.
So yeah, then this week.
monday- freak out about getting maths paper. nothing.
tuesday- today- freaked out again about getting math paper, got cheated by the chers again. tomorrow.
So lets hope tomorrow i won't die and faint and puke and all that in class. because my last test was a total wrekage and i don't even like to think about it. i think im going to cry, fml.
Got over and done with for science speech and some lame fucking imbeciles drew penises on the paper i got passing around, so maybe like, they dont have one that they have to draw one everywhere. how sad. ):.
Anyway in a more serious note, i guess today changed alot of things in my brain.
Mums, arent they always there to remind you. They give you an imaginary slap in the face when they throw all the bad points about you when you least expect it. They pour buckets of complaints and 'how-you-should-be-acting' when youre in your 'i-just-wanna-get-the-fck-home-and-blast-loud-music'. And thats my mum today.
Right smack, today.
We had a tiff in the car,
she- full on forcing me to tell her whats wrong with me. Demanding me to explain to her all the questions she wants to know.
;Why are you always looking so untidy and make yourself look so gangster now
;Why must you always take your time in the morning
;Why are you always wasting money, we have to save now.
so on, so forth.
Of course i raged and got angry but yeah. i kept it in, because i know shes my mum, shes one of the most important people in my life. She's that woman who kept me going when i thought everything was failing. She, my mum. The woman who gave me this life. I didn't wanna say anything that would regret it. I wanted her to be happy, but all these she will never know, because im just that coward and i wouldn't say it in her face. Because simply, im just that retarded kid she thinks that has a big issue or problem in my life.
But what i would really like to tell her is that, i've grown up.
We change. We develop.
I've got my new series of thinkings that she wouldn't understand.
I wanted to let her know that no matter what though, i'd still love her and that even if my appearance changes, deep down, im still that little girl she nurtured me up into.
Yes i know, sometimes i lose my way, i become short-sighted and i lose sight of my future, my dreams and my attitude in life. And i really appreciate it that you're right there in my life constantly reminding me how to be a better person. And although sometimes i wanna loudly exclaim to you that what youre doing is wrong to me, when your attitude to others puts me off, when your response to certain things is really not acceptable. I kept it in. Because youre my mum.
And i love you.
So please, don't force me to tell you my problems..
Im a big girl now, i think i can handle it.
At times i might run back into your embrace , cry and all, but honestly,
thats part of growing up i guess. Trail and Error.
Let me try.
iloveyoumumanddad.
jubsy