Friday, July 30, 2010 @ 4:24 PM
I feel tired already, i just want a break from life. Pausing it and just sit and meditate or stuff. Im writing this with an absolute serious tone. Life is cheap, until.. you see its worth.You have changed so beyond my control ; beyond my comfort, beyond who you are. youve become so attention seeking, you want things i have, you try stealing them, please girl, cant you see youre losing yourself? Youre drowning in a society where you want everyone and yourself placed at the peak, everyone bending to serve and kiss your feet. You want more friends, you wanna be popular, and even the simplest thing you tell me now makes me hurt and upset, your actions have made me to the extend, even doubt if i was friends with the right person, if you even treated me as one, now and then, and even if you missed me in the first place, or was that all just a ploy, just cause you want to show people you actually miss me. i hate you for taking my friends away and place your damn name labelling that their yours. So what now... Just because im gone, things have changed, you had to change? I seriously dont know a thing anymore, youve driven me to a state of disbelief, unable to accept that.. that wasnt how you were, when i first met you.
F you dude, Mr Major f***ing stalker. Flipping out your damn freaking phone. Snapping a photo of me during class, something without the permission of me. you want me to sue you? okay seriously, get a life, youre the gay one. And even a gay is better than you, sissy. In the first place, do not criticise gays. Youve got me fairly annoyed. I hope you go die, lifes still same.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 @ 6:04 PM
(deleted)Dan is sooo freaking funny, and as a person that cant stop laughing even when the joke's over, msn me if you wanna know what, but i can decide whether or not i wanna tell you:P so funny! ;S
And so is sam HAHA. Well, when the china people scolds, they go, FAR KHUI! LOL, its funny to hear but other people are just so mean to pick on that, so sad. get laughed on even when they retaliate. Science is fun with jokers in front of me.
Still love aiden *cross my heart<3
ive kinda lost interest in blogging, so let me see, i shall edit when i can think. ciao for now!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010 @ 4:09 PM
Im giving myself a break from korean songs, simply had enough.School was fine.
cant believe josh forgot my name, how insulting HAHA.
PE was fun today, bball, and you can totally imagine the guys trying to show off haha, disgusting but such a funny sight. And serene got her eye hit by ravindu aww. She got so angry and i cant believe someone who looks so gentle would pull out a string of vulgarities. "IM GONNA FUCKING SUE YOU RAVINDU, ARGH! FUCK YOU FAGGOT" woah. sure is fierce(Y) And cindy has this pretty cute personality haha. i dont really know adam but he sure is a cutie!:P
HAHA and daniel really used deodorant! hahaha! cos like he was sweating so much, talk about vigorous and serene told him to use deo and he was spraying it in geog and got chased out of the class HAHAHA hes so funny. and he said "at least its better than my sweat" and he got this blur look which is so hilarious.
-
I really hate myself for loving you so much. So fucking much.
It really sucks to know that reality and dreams can never meet.
It wasnt a dream, yet, it wasnt reality too.
What the hell do you call this.
Im just stuck here.
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now.
Monday, July 26, 2010 @ 5:35 PM
i realised i havent blogged for years, so today, my life changed. LOL. dramatic? yeah. well more like i decided to talk to those english/chinese speaking people instead of like acting all shy and stuff because really, it gives me a sore throat to not talk much LOL. so like ive made about 5/6 friends today, honestly one of them, a pure ang moh, IS SO PRETTY. i just dont get why other fat angmohs will despise her just cos shes friendly and all, i mean hey look you fat bimbo and her sidekick, a tiny little speck of dust, what have you got to despise her man? i wasnt really happy with them so i made them distance from them, group of sluts.Im much happier without korean people sqealing in my ears, not that their not nice, but like their overhyperness drives me up the wall. And ive started like talking to a few guys in class. Daniel is so gay! but hes so funny. And in tech class just now, this super sociable guy kept pointing at me on purpose just to say "that guy" LOL. hes so weird.
Well anyway, schools fun when youre accepted i guess. Not that im emo kid or something. LOL
ciao. blogging is stealing my brain cells away
Thursday, July 22, 2010 @ 6:30 PM
wanted to blog a few hours ago, but hey, i forgot.facebook is just so.. absorbing.
I just flipped through all my photos.. and the memories pieced so well like a puzzle in my brain.
Its just so... distant yet knowing ive been through it all, its so weird.
So like In school im hanging around with korean people, the school has like already formed their own cliques, speaking their own language, and having those kind of schedules, people can might as well stay in that clique for like, forever? its just so weird. So unlike singapore, maybe it comforts me knowing that at least everyone doesnt know anyone, so like, you can just be friends with all of them?
Let me see who i can remember,
inhwa, so young, sally, josh, daniel, cindy, smeet, jenson, (idk anymore)
im so hungry.
D: if only you guys were here too, like seriously, i wont mind. anyone wanna coome? LOL
Sometimes i forget why i wanna come, someone please, remind me.
OMG DANIEL AND JOSH IS JUST- SO FUNNY.
its like he goes, 'oil can be recycled!'
'no it cant' :teacher
'yes.. like when i fry my crackers, you can keep the vegetable oil'
'daniel, we're talking about crude oil' LOL!
but he seems really fun to hang out with.
Why cant like some people speak english, gosh.
french class is funny too, somwthing about slapping and stuff. (Y)
i shall go look for funny people to hang out with. hahahah
Tuesday, July 20, 2010 @ 9:11 PM
im blogging now yes i am.IM SO DISAPPOINTED AT MY FIRST DAY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, SINCE IM SO CHEERFUL NOW, I AM, A LILL.
I SHALL SPREAD MY LOVE TO AUSTRALIA.
YES I AM HONEY.
gonna make some other friends that really have like the same common language:x at least chinese?..
And gosh. koreans are so hyper!
i dont really wanna talk about it.
because i practically when on and on about it through whaatever means possible.
I love peining:D
and jiaan:D and ali:D
well.. im so tired today idk whats happening to me, maybe im becoming a sleepy giant.
you know what, idk why im here blogging .
Ever since i got home, i got a splitting headache.
gotta scram from comp, order from: seargant julia.
Monday, July 19, 2010 @ 2:15 PM
Its another emo day for julia.Gonna look for tuition classes today.
Got this feeling im gonna be a loner in school.
I don care anymore.
Im fighting a losing battle.
Its time to pull out the white flag
I hate my blog.
I hate it so much.
How much i feel like just deleting everything.
Just ending it all.
Bye.
Sunday, July 18, 2010 @ 4:40 PM
I love internet.Was down yesterday and it was a blessing in disguise.
that boy, came back again. pang sai.
but okay la.. hes a good boy.
Just that he only treats me badly what the. haix.
But he got what he deserved, cos i beat him back BADLY.
Oi hurry up come online, wo deng de hen ji leh.
Its always so fun talking to clarissa , jeez.
wo ai ni! you make me so happy after all the boohoo.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
okies dokies, byebye. Dont wish to elaborate that aussie kids are getting sick at such mere age. gosh-.- so sick. "it got on my penis! my penis!" dude, youre wearing clothes hello?
And i walked all the way from circular key to chinatown to get suju's CD, im such a loyal fan hAHA!
and like spring's coming, school's starting. pretty anxious..
WHAT HAPPENED TO SHINEE, WHHY THE HAIR?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
):
i wanna watch more aussie comedy, so hilarious, clar if youre reading this, the one i told you, the steroids? if you watched it you'll laugh so bad! HAHAHAHA
@ 4:09 PM
A good friend is a connection to life- a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity, in a totally insane world. Lois WyseLots of people want to ride with you in a limo, but what you really want is someone that will take the bus with you when your limo breaks down. Oprah Winfrey
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow seperately without growing apart. Elizabeth Foley
There are just some things i guess we shouldnt have.
Thursday, July 15, 2010 @ 8:21 PM
I miss you all so much, it hurts within, as much as i try to divert my attention on idk, other stuff, being on facebook doesnt help, instead, it backfires. i hate it. i hate it so much but i cant do a thing, i dont wanna see it, i don want to, im selfish, i hope i didnt see it. If only it could momentarily blind me.I was at the shopping centre and i couldnt curb my facebook addiction, so my itchy hands had to just type in the password. Really, i didnt like what i saw. Okay, if youre wondering what the heck ive seen, its not about some guy shit so cancel that off your mind right now.
Well, im so emo today, mmm, later part of the day. I just couldnt stop crying, OKAY i know, emo freak. but like seeing those stuff on facebook and just evoking the memories and stuff, i tried controlling but doesnt seem to be so effective:/ just when i thought no one saw and i was prepared to make my mood higher.. MY MUM HAD TO ASK ME " Ju, you upset arh" walau. im not blaming her but its like instant hit): so i started tearing in the mall so i just kept rubbing my eyes pretending something went inside, ha-ha . so lame right ,yeah.
i dont feel like blogging anymore, aussie shows are killing me man, its so addictingly funny though its not suitable for me lol, what can i say, too addicting, the lead person in this show is called idk how to write it but its like "julz" or something. cool right! ok bye.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010 @ 8:31 PM
WOW, it was my 150th post. and its my more than a month here in aus monthsary, no one clapping for me? fine, i clap for myself(: *clap clap clap* :D reason im so happy. tog tenretni !!! (L) try finguring that out, should be simple if youre smart LOL.And if that diot is gonna find out about my blog, ohoh ps: he says he can hack into my facebook account, im not sure if its true, but if he really is successful, i swear i'll tear him into pieces.
And my blog is so old! jeez, like stupid blogskin, and when i ask for help no one helps me): aww.
So like, i don really care if you(snake) still like me or not, im just real upset at you, cos i trusted you so much, i thought youve changed, i thought i was useful to you(in a good way) but to think i was actually just one of those girls crossing your life, really aint cool. REALLY, i dont need YOU to like me because i can do without your love, but i just hate the fact that i actually build so much trust in you to find out one day it was my mistake. Even if i was just one of THOSE girls, -
ah, you know what, forget it, no point harping. a leopard never changes its spots. You are, still however, a ---------.
(: i shall aim for a few nice positive blogpost after that really long one and the ones expressing my hatred for james.
So like im online and no one is): where are all of you darlingsssssssssssssss!
Cant wait to talk to san and clar and jiaan and like everyone soon.
aish.
im bored now, uncle not replying.
ok when i just said that, zz.
okayz, i shall go YOUTUBING. CIAO ahh. eletrocuted.
): so pain!
@ 6:56 PM
Hello peepos, btw. the previous post was by me cos i was SUPER PISSED at him. i was crapping about the dream part la but you get my point, sorry for using your name, dear (so not) james. So anyway, dont be mistaken ahaha.I hate him YOU, YES YOU JAMES. YOU.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010 @ 8:54 PM
HI IM JAMES.I SUCK.
I RESPECT JULIA BUT I CAN NEVER GET HER TO LIKE ME.
BECAUSE IM AN ASSHOLE.
AND I REALLY HATE MYSELF.
SO I TRY SELF DESTRUCTING.
BUT IT DOESNT SEEM TO WORK,
THUS, I BULLY JULIA
I SLAP AND BEAT HER.
I AM A STUPID MORONIC IDIOT.
AND I ACT SMART.
ACBC.
I THINK EVERYONE LOVES ME.
AND I REALLY FIND KICK WHEN JULIA TRIES BEATING ME BACK.
BUT BECAUSE I SUCK SO MUCH, IN MY DREAMS, I DREAM SHE KILLS ME WITH A GUN I LOVE PLAYING ON SOME STUPID ONLINE GUNNING GAME.
OK THANK YOU.
IM JAMES, BYEBYE.
Saturday, July 10, 2010 @ 7:21 PM
5.20 am; 10 july; (early saturday)Its been a long time since i held i pen..
Its 5.20 A-time, i woke up in desperate search for you, only to realise you might just not appear in my life anymore.
This is a real diary entry btw.. guessed your ear is much perked.
Sorry dear sketchbook, i could find no other written material.
And i guess i must really really really really love you alot, or else, its obsession, maybe im edwaard and youre bella- he's more obsessed.
I'm sitting here in the cold sun room writing once all over again about love and my love. Its stupid, for a stupid girl to like you so much, this nobody you call yourself? No, youre my whole brain now. The cold doesnt hurt me.
Where are you? I hope i've never left your mind too, but my hopes are too high.. i know youre moving on, and so am i, but now, momentarily, im stuck at our past.
-5.50am (my eyes is starting to hurt)
Comparing, maybe you were the best, as in, you dont ever give me false hopes, apart from me wanting to m.. While you on the other hand, really got me expecting, which maybe.. also isnt a good thing. So.. you look at objects in another angle now.
I sat up then. closed my eyes and tried so hard picturing you, a scene that would haardly register in my brain anymore.
I was searching, the history, the past, a month ago, maybe 2? trying to picture your face, your smile, the angle, was it still the same?
This feels like a dream, but even as i know i will wake up, this sketchbook is real evidence-truth.
You, your name, your words, your eyes- you. I bet you'll never expect me to think of you so much right now, after all that happened. I know you too much, just too much.
-
I'm gonna save paper and write on the next side.
never felt so energetic when i wrote my essays. first page of words came out in a splat.
Friday, dont talk about it, it was horrible, olivia baby 's birthday, i was feeling hot and cold in that body of mine.I didnt wanna say it and i could eat no more than a bowl, barely leaving space for the cake afterwards. I guessed no one saw anyway, no one asked.
James, you make one really hate you to the bone, and then, that day, when you apologised for teasing me too much, when you knew your limits, i was prepared to let it go, and i found no need to, guys DO break what they just said. admit it you ass.
Wow, my handwriting is so cursive, Next time, when im reading this again, Im so gonna laugh.
I hope there'll be a time for us again.
This time, no more false hopes, no more unaccomplished things.
Im not gonna hide now, knowing you no longer will read this. my hands are starting to freeze.
your words sting on me like a tattoo, it'll never be erased. everything that once had a link to whatever we talked about before surfaced.
The days of feeling tired and nauseous just suck so much.. i hate being sick.
Going back, since im saying everything, there'll be no lies.
I miss you so much, everything.
If any of you ask me why im so.. hmm.. uneager to move on, i'll just say thats how i am, hopeless romantic harhar!
Thats how i am, forgetting everything sad and frustrating you once made me, only cherishing the good times, just like now, letting it rewind in a small play.
-
Insomnia, im glad i dont have it, i have no idea whats this, waking up EARLY in the morning.
Do i have the time to continue writing?
My dad's not snoring anymore.. whats up?
Well, maybe sometimes, writing is much much easier.
(Clarissa, keep writing in blue!)
baby, i love you, it feels funny calling you that again.
If youre forgetting me now, i cant say-guarantee, i'll be okay and living well.
whats wrong with me, i used to think waking up at this hour is just plain crazy.
So i guess im nuts now, doing the exact same thing i once labelled- mad. All this writing is making me forget where i am and somehow im able to psych myself back where i was- singapore.
I miss you guys so much. i miss calling however, pressing numbers knowing the other person on the line would brighten up my day.. talking endlessly then have nothing no say, get breathless, or simply being distracted by the TV(My problem when i talk to Isabelle brainah ileum.)
This is the kind of feeling where it makes me wanna call san and talk but definitely knowing she'll be lets see.. distracted by a living or non living thing.
(ps, but i love it when clar calls, because it time to hog the phone for hours baby! (L))
...(dots)... and thats when i go online to see you there.
Tell you nonsensical things and you totally listen and give ridiculous but funny comments that cracks me up so much, then crap with me as if we're kids lost in time, why do i miss that so much? i miss that feelings.
I'm a girl with a thousand feelings i know. haha
Miss you san.
As im writing, tears may come, but'll dry up one day.
i guess thats what happened, it dried up, thats the end...?
{lots of cancelling}
Its to corny, i cant write it.
-
TOM NEXT LOVES CAT.
that was one unforgettable night. but i'll stop thinking about it, i hope.
I shall try going back to sleep and forget i even wrote this here( reading this stirs my feelings)
And.... maybe you might have someone better by you right now..
-I HATE it when you make me feel like shit within seconds.
[[some things here are canged from original text]]
[[[because writer refuses to disclose]]]
The sky has turn brighter, light is breaking into the gloomy blue black.
Im off to bed, padlocking you in my heart.
For now.. tata(L)
6.30am.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010 @ 4:54 PM
25 days and counting.(i think)
my eyes hurt so much, my parents treat james house as if its some childcare centre dumping me and my computer here to survive.
wth.
So i forgot i had a blog, ok -lie.
I was lazy to type lol.
How i wish i could join you guys when there are times like these. but the plane trip is enough to cover the whole time im so sian.
For now, im an envious deprived kid with absolute no friends here and a irritating(no la) yelping sister and i miss
HOME
COOKED
FOOD.
I miss disgusting chicken and gross veggies, salty or too bland soup. i miss annoying everyone i see and poking people to just see their reaction, i miss tapping on the other side of whoever's shoulder and get caught later, i miss my naggy grandparents and super open-minded uncle, i miss sundays and singapore sundaes. Aussie one tastes bad. I miss the blue and white uniform and i miss gossiping about teachers, i miss sir standford raffles and i miss the durian too. i yearn for more singapore local dishes but i get crap here. I miss the sea of black hair people when there's a crowd, i miss everyone especially my lovable friends, i miss the old them(to someone only) and i wish i'd never left. I miss talking to you two and i miss our friendship we once had, i miss everything about singapore and i still hope i will keep in contact with all of you, i miss the chats we once had.. i miss the days you were so nice, i miss the times you comforted me, i miss the old you.
Friday, July 2, 2010 @ 9:29 PM
Met alot of hotties today woo. feast for my eyes, but not my heart la(obviously). Jonghyun's hair is so a plus plus! and if i want to marry, i'll marry baby LOL. <3 she's so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but i like younng boys better, i met a younger boy that looks like eugene(: <3 so cute. blur face HAHAHA. and sorry if i sound like a paedophile, i cant help it HAHA. i'd want a son when im so much older.BLOND HAIR, PIERCING EMERALD EYES, CRAZY CURLS, TALL BUILD FRAME, MUSCULAR- MY FUTURE HUSBAND LOL?!
today i made breakfast myself, and maybe its the last breakfast im ever gonna make, firstly, i sliced my finger and burned myself, bruised a poor egg and set off the fire alarm. ARE YOU SERIOUS OR WHAT. TWICE, that stupid smoke thing rang. twice my heart jumped out, twice i went deaf. :S ah ju not suited to cook arh. tskk.
Im so happy clarissa is online. Jiaan, i miss you so much..
And i keep having weird dreams.. and last last night was the saddest since forever..
At first i saw yusee and we were like the same, super close... jeez.. the next moment, yusee(sorry) started to unveil my deepest secrets and woah.. total backstab but the only comfort that its a dream.. dream dream.. dream.
And the next was at this long table and babettes were there. They were all chatting while i only were standing there trying to explain to them that i was about to leave for good. And the only response i got was 'oh? uh ok.' woah. i will seriously stab myself.
alrighties i got to goooo