Monday, May 24, 2010 @ 7:12 PM
its my 125 post, haha. i guess even if i post daily, it'll never reach 150 before its all gone.not emo, trying my best, really aint anymore because deception has been forced into my heart and im playing a role in a screwed up performance but the show must still go on aye?
im not going to repeat once more..
I really love you.
And.. i really dont wanna see us just idling the last 19 days more just like that.
Im really upset with your attitude and mindset, and you are really very very -selfish.
And i get really pissed when you just, stop. like total blank, stop interacting, and even if we do, all we talk about is me leaving you dont wanna be heartbroken, then i'll think, who's the one whos going to suffer more? And now.. as much as im trying, i really am, to not be jealous or pissy with just a little thing, its really hard. its sapping my energy, its driving me up the wall. The thing i hate most, the way you just stop talking to me because you think its what i want. i dont want that, Oh well, i live a life where there's totally nothing but sadness that just keep coming back, once in a while, the thought of hurting myself to release my hurt within, is really just overpowering. And i do.
Sorry Sandra, when all started, i was a fool. I never knew you would react this way, this way that i have to let you down and just say it all, which just hurts more. From pure fun to real tears, its not really fun anymore, im running. im losing energy, losing my momentum, i wanna give up. Just like now, its like im on a marathon, but im failing myself, because simply, im tired. Im running in the wrong direction. Im running towards deception, im running.. im tired. i wanna give up. im simply lost. screw it all.
I want a peaceful 19 days and seems like i cant get it anymore. The devil's coming back, more ferocious than before..